Bittersweet
by Lelu
Summary: Set up in the R season break up, Usagi has a different outlook about the breakup and about Mamoru.
1. Bittersweet Chapter 1

10/14/00  
  
"Bittersweet"  
By: Lelu  
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com  
PG  
1/3  
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind   
ourselves that SM belongs to Naoko?]  
  
  
*Part One*  
  
  
*She snuggled against his chest, inhaling his scent.   
Roses- it was always roses. Roses and cinnamon   
clashing together, making him smell wonderfully   
masculine. She was so lucky to have him in her life.   
She glanced up when she felt his eyes upon her body.   
  
"Usa-ko, what are you doing?"  
  
Laughing- a sound that was so beautiful to Mamoru-   
she replied, "I'm loving you right now. And I'm   
possibly thinking about loving you for the rest of my   
life." Reaching up with her hand, she stroked his   
skin, tan and soft. "Aishiteru, Mamo-chan," she   
whispered to him. "Even if you may not love me, I'll   
always love you."  
  
Reaching up, he took her hand and held it in his own,   
his head descending to meet her lips. "Ne, Usa-  
ko...The day when I stop loving you will *never*   
*ever* come." And then their lips met in the sweetest   
of caresses, sharing their love with each other. *  
  
What a sweet moment that had been- what a happy   
moment. When they were just concerned with being   
together- being as close as they could to each other   
with out stepping over the line. That afternoon had   
been filled with passionate kisses, and vows of love,   
most of them coming from her. He had only told her   
that he had loved her once that afternoon, but it was   
enough to keep her spirit alive- then. Now, her soul   
was dying, withering. She had no one to hold her   
anymore...no one to tell her that everything would be   
alright....No one to love her as a lover would.  
  
Drying her tears, Usagi thought bitterly, 'But the day   
came, didn't it, Mamo-chan? You have stopped   
loving me...or at least, you claim to have forgotten   
our bond, our love You chose a dream...over me.'   
She knew he had...She had known for a few days   
now, for she had experienced the same dream he had   
had. They had been broken up for nearly a month   
now, and now she understood why. She wanted to   
confront him, and perhaps she would. 'Someday   
soon,' she promised to herself. Sighing, she wiped   
back the tears and lay on her bed, staring up at the   
ceiling, and then out the window. The moon shone in   
all her glory, a pure white light bathing the planet of   
Earth. She wanted to be like that, too. To be   
beautiful, pure, and loving. But she couldn't be. Not   
when Mamoru didn't love her anymore.   
  
He stared down at the bed, not wanting to sleep. He   
had broken up with her 3 weeks ago, and was still   
haunted by the Dream. Every time he fell asleep, the   
Dream would come back, full force. He hated the   
night now. Hated what the Dream was doing to him-   
what it was slowly doing to his and Usagi's love. The   
Dream was tearing them apart, and he knew it- he   
was the one who was causing it, after all. He refused   
to believe that the Dream was nothing more than just   
a dream. He knew that what he saw in it...  
  
*They walked down the aisle in bliss, Usagi's eyes   
sparkling happily. Mamoru looked down at her, a soft   
smile on his face. "I can't believe it, Mamo-chan,"   
she said softly. "Is this real? Have we really made it   
this far?"  
  
He chuckled softly as they neared the altar, pushing a   
strand of blond hair that had fallen out of the hairdo,   
behind her ear. "Hai, Usa-ko," he affirmed. "This is   
real. We have made it. We have triumphed over the   
hardest times, and we still have each other."   
  
They turned away from each other, waiting for the   
priest to begin his ceremony...but it never came.   
Instead, the ground would open, and, to Mamoru's   
horror, Usagi would be pulled away from every time.   
No matter how hard his grip was around her body,   
she would always be pulled away...into Death's   
waiting arms.   
  
"Chiba Mamoru...." The ominous voice would say.   
"This is your destiny...If you do not stay away from   
Tsukino Usagi, your Princess, this is her fate and   
yours. Stay away from her if you care for her. If you   
love her, you will protect her by keeping your   
distance. Heed these words...and never forget."*  
  
...would become real. And, as always, he would   
wake up in a cold sweat- panting, afraid. Afraid for   
what would happen to Usagi if they had stayed   
together. He tried to ignore it for so many weeks,   
pretending whenever he was with her that he had no   
worries. But for everyday he was with her, the worse   
the dream would become. The Dream would   
intensify, the pressure would be harder on him. He   
was so afraid for her...He was so scared to think of   
what would really happen if they did end up being   
married.   
  
But oh Lord, how much he loved her. She was the   
one who made him truly happy- made him feel truly   
wanted. She was the light that penetrated through the   
darkness that he had before...before he had met her.   
She was so beautiful- spiritually, emotionally, and   
physically. Those bright blue eyes held so many   
secrets from the world, shared only with him. He   
knew the doubts that she held; she was so afraid that   
she wasn't a good enough leader. She was afraid that   
she wasn't a good friend. And, most importantly, she   
was afraid that he would stop loving her.   
  
Mamoru still remembered the day she had confessed   
that one fear to him. It had shocked him to the core,   
for it was exactly the same fear that he held for her.   
He was so terrified at the thought of losing her. If she   
would find a man much better than he...And he knew   
it was possible. After all, in his own eyes, Mamoru   
was nothing. So what if he was the Prince of the   
Earth? He *had* been the Prince of the Earth. And in   
the future? What would he be then? His Usa-ko's   
husband, while she ruled the people of the moon?   
They had spoken together, quietly, and renewed their   
love through their fear. They wanted, needed, each   
other, and they promised that they would be together.   
Forever.  
  
He wanted to be with her no matter what the cost   
was. But if the cost was her own death...  
  
**Flashback**   
  
*Mamoru had called Usagi, telling her to meet him at   
the Crown. She had heard the heavy tone in his voice,   
and had immediately asked, "Daijabou?"  
  
"Daijabou," he replied. "Don't worry about me, Usa-  
ko...Just get yourself to the Crown as fast as you can,   
ne?"  
  
She marred her eyebrows, unknown to him, and   
hesitantly replied, "Hai, Mamo-chan. Demo, what is   
so important? Can't you tell me over the phone?" She   
held her breath.   
  
"Iie, Usa-ko. I need to see you." 'You at least deserve   
to hear this from in person...I can't be the coward   
anymore,' he thought, clenching the phone so hard   
that it was about to crack."  
  
"Umm...okay then, Mamo-chan. I'll see you there in   
about 5 minutes, okay? Aishite-"  
  
Click.   
  
He had hung up on her, not wanting to hear the words   
that she had deemed him worthy to hear. He was   
undeserving of her love now, if the cause of her death   
was because she loved him. Closing his eyes, he   
leaned against the back of the wall, trying to take   
deep breaths. 'It's for the best,' he rationalized. 'She   
won't get hurt this way.' Nodding his head, satisfied,   
he opened the door and walked out, his stride sure   
and confident.  
  
But he had forgotten one little fact: She would get   
hurt when she found out that the love of her   
life...didn't want her anymore.   
  
Usagi stared into the phone, confused. He hadn't even   
stayed long enough to listen to her say good bye and   
that she loved him. 'Good-bye', she absently thought.   
'How harsh that word is.' Shaking her head, she   
grabbed her jacket and headed out the door.   
  
**Crown**  
  
Mamoru arrived before she did, and was glad that   
had happened. He wanted to sit down first, think   
clearly, and plan how he was going to do this. On the   
way here, during his walk, all he could think was,   
'Why?' Who wanted him to know- to feel- the pain of   
loneliness again? He thought he had been cured when   
he had met Usagi, and he had. Those bright blue   
eyes, the beautiful strands of blonde hair that seemed   
endless, and those full red lips. Her soul was bright   
and pure, never doubting for a second that evil could   
totally corrupt a person. She trusted everyone, and in   
return, everyone trusted her. Sighing, he sat down in   
the first booth- the one closest to the door- and   
waited patiently for her to come.   
  
She arrived at the Crown in 10 minutes, waving to   
Motoki who was serving a milkshake to a young   
child. Glancing around the room, she spotted   
Mamoru, who seemed like he was staring off into   
space. 'That's odd,' she noted. 'He never does that   
unless there's something really important on his   
mind...' Absently shrugging her shoulders, she   
walked over to him, kissing him lightly on the cheek.   
"Hi, Mamo-chan," Usagi said, walking over to the   
other side of the booth, sitting down across from him.   
"I'm not late, am I?" When he didn't reply, she   
repeated, "Am I?"  
  
He wanted to look at her like this one more time. To   
recapture this moment- how the sunlight was playing   
in her hair, every strand highlighted, sparkling.   
Porcelain face tilted slightly, blue eyes flitting across   
his face, worried. He closed his eyes for a split   
second, wondering just how he was going to find the   
courage to do this.  
  
*"Chiba Mamoru...." The ominous voice said,   
ringing in his head. "This is your destiny...If you do   
not stay away from Tsukino Usagi, your Princess,   
this is her fate and yours. Stay away from her if you   
care for her. If you love her, you will protect her by   
keeping your distance. Heed these words...and never   
forget."*  
  
His eyes flew open, startling her. "Mamo-  
chan...What's wrong?"  
  
He had found his courage- his reason. It was so   
simple- so heartbreakingly simple: Tell her you don't   
love her and she lives. Drawing in a deep breath, he   
braced himself for her reaction. Staring into her eyes,   
he said, "Usagi...I need to tell you something." He   
tried to ignore the hurt that was so obvious in her   
eyes when he hadn't called her by his nickname.   
"Usagi...I think that it would be best...if we didn't see   
each other anymore." He tried to blurt it out quickly   
so it would seem less fatal- for the both of them. But   
when her breathing accelerated, and her hand went to   
clench her shirt, he knew that it had hurt just as much   
as it would have if he had went slowly.   
  
"You..." she tried to breathe, to think. It seemed like   
her whole body had shut down at the words he had   
just spoken. She waited until her heart had stopped   
beating so furiously, willing herself to speak.   
"Mamo-chan...You want us...to....to break up?" Her   
voice had cracked on the last word for she had never   
thought she would have said those words- not now,   
not ever.   
  
Nodding, he affirmed it. "Hai...Usagi. We're   
finished."   
  
Again, she was speechless. 'We're finished...?' she   
thought. 'Finished? How could we ever be...' But a   
look into his hard indigo eyes proved that she was   
wrong. 'We are through,' she thought numbly. 'Over.   
Done with.' The muscles in her neck strained, her   
eyes trying to hold back her tears. "Are you..." her   
voice was above a whisper, pitiful even to her own   
ears. "Are you sure...?" She blinked rapidly, feeling   
her heart rise to her throat. "Is this what you truly   
want?" She held her breath.   
  
She was giving him one last chance, to prove that this   
whole thing was a joke. Mamoru couldn't push the   
image of her dying out of his head, nor could he ever   
forget the image that Usagi was portraying. He had to   
do this- for her. "Yes." His voice was strong, never   
wavering. "I'm sure." He watched as a tear slipped   
from under her dark lashes, wishing he could wipe   
them away- wishing the he wasn't the one who had   
caused the tears. "Gomen ne, Usagi...I just don't love   
you anymore."   
  
Her eyes widened. It had been horrible enough when   
he said that he had wanted to break up- but now...he   
was admitting that he didn't love her? Had he ever   
truly loved her? Or had their whole relationship been   
a facade? She didn't want to think; she didn't want to   
know. Covering her face with her hands, she got up   
and ran out the door, looking back only once.  
  
His hands clenched the vinyl of the red booth,   
cursing Fate, Destiny, and God. His whole body   
nearly shook with rage, and all he wanted to do was   
to run after her. But he wouldn't- he would be strong   
for her. He would be strong for everything that she   
had saved him from...but now, the emptiness was   
back. He had fallen into a dark, black abyss of   
nothingness- his Light was gone.*  
  
**End Flashback**  
  
...then what he had done was right. Sighing, he   
pulled back the covers, and fell into a torturous sleep.  
  
Usagi, in her room, made up her mind. She was going   
to find him the next day, and whether or not he was   
willing, she was going to make him decide. Too   
exhausted to even pull up the blankets, curled up on   
the bed and fall asleep...She, too, fell into a horror-  
filled slumber...where Mamo-chan and she were a   
couple, but when she woke, no longer.*  
  
**The Next Day**  
  
Usagi ran and ran, her feet pounding on the cemented   
streets. She had to find him- to tell him that she   
understood why he was doing this. She couldn't take   
it any longer- her heart was slowly falling apart every   
day. She couldn't stand living another day, if it meant   
being apart from him. She missed everything about   
him- the way he would push up his reading glasses   
when they slipped from his nose. How he had always   
plant a kiss on her forehead, shyly, when he thought   
no one was looking. How he had always made her   
feel warm, safe, and indomitable. She ran, with only   
one clear thought in her mind: I must find him.  
  
Mamoru looked up from the bench he was sitting on.   
The sky was partly clear, but it was beginning to   
darken. When his glance fell upon the far corner of   
the horizon, dark clouds were gathering. Rain would   
probably come in an hour or so, darkening this lovely   
day. He shifted uncomfortably. Something inside him   
felt...uneasy. Like something was going to happen,   
and he wouldn't like it. Standing up, he stretched, his   
limbs sore from sitting there all day. He didn't know   
why he had- maybe he thought that he would have   
run into Usagi...to see her again. 'It's been so long...I   
wish I could hold her again.' The month had dragged   
by so slowly, and it hurt him to see her- how her   
body seemed so...worn. But he couldn't pity his   
choice- his decision. As long as she lived, he was   
fine. Who cared if he had to cry himself to sleep   
every night? Or that the Dream still wouldn't go   
away? It didn't matter- Not...one...bit.... He wiped a   
tear away, and began to walk home.  
  
She continued to run, eyes darting back and forth,   
searching. Her lungs hurt, her feet hurt, but she didn't   
care. Just as long as she found him, she would be   
happy. Passing, she ran past the park, but didn't see   
him there. She dodged a sign, and was about to take a   
left when...She saw him. He was across the street,   
walking slowly. She immediately stopped running,   
catching her breath.  
  
Plop.  
  
She looked up, and noticed that it was beginning to   
sprinkle lightly. She didn't care- just as long as she   
could get to him in time, then everything would be   
right. She dodged across the street, paying no heed to   
the cars, or the horns that honked at her. But Mamoru   
had noticed the sudden ruckus, and had stopped,   
turned around. He watched this beautiful tenshi run   
towards him, and he could almost swear that he saw   
wings, and a golden light illuminating her whole   
body.   
  
"Mamo-chan!" she called out, nearing him. "Mamo-  
chan...wait...Let me talk to you."   
  
He fought his own demons as he waited for her- he   
had decided to wait. He had missed hearing her   
voice, and it would feel good to be near her again.  
  
The rain fell harder, pounding on the pavement...  
  
She finally caught up to him, chest heaving, cheeks   
beautifully flushed. "I...Mamo..." Now that she was   
finally here, she didn't know what to say. How could   
she approach him now, the man who wasn't hers   
anymore? She decided to go with the head on   
confrontation- to give him another chance.   
  
"Usagi," he said, voice rigid. "I don't have much time,   
and as you can already see, the rain is getting heavier.   
Tell me what you want, and then let me go."  
  
'Let me go...'   
  
She gasped softly- he didn't know how much impact   
those words truly had on her. Eyes watering, Usagi   
turned soft blue eyes to stare into his hard blue ones.   
"Mamoru," she whispered, fighting back tears. "I   
know why you're doing this to us...to me...to   
yourself...But it's only a *dream* Mamoru...A god   
forsaken dream." She reached out and touched his   
sleeve briefly, the small contact sending shivers up   
her spine. "But I'm real, Mamo-chan...I'm real and   
waiting for you...But I can't wait forever. I can't be   
tied down by the fact that I still love you, but you   
don't love me...or are you lying?"   
  
The raindrops continued to fall, her dark sooty lashes   
coated with rain and her own tears. A haze   
surrounded the two, semi-protecting them from the   
rain. But her clothes slowly began to dampen, as did   
his. They paid no attention to this, though, only to the   
matter at hand.  
  
He stared down at her, indifferent, and that nearly   
broke her heart. "Don't you hear me, Mamoru?!" she   
cried, shaking him. "Can't you understand what I'm   
telling you?! You have to choose, damnit! Me or the   
dream!"   
  
Mamoru swallowed, blue eyes frigid. "I choose to   
believe in the Dream, Usagi. The Dream tells me   
what will happen in the future...and I can't risk your   
death because of my feelings for you. I do love you,   
Usag...Usa-ko. We just can't be together anymore-I   
can't be with you... "   
  
Her body stiffened- she couldn't believe what she was   
hearing. He was going to leave her...to leave her heart   
broken just for the stupid belief of his. Suddenly, her   
hand began to shake with her anger. Usagi watched,   
horrified, as she reached out and slapped him. Hard.   
The rain that was once on his face flew off because of   
the intensity of the slap. She gasped, not believing   
what she had done.  
  
He stood there, controlled. Slowly he reached out a   
hand to caress her cheek one last time.  
  
Time seemed to stop, giving him the privilege of   
keeping this moment forever, treasured in his mind.   
Her smooth silky skin beneath his palm, he fought   
from breaking down. 'One last time...' he echoed in   
his mind. "Good bye, Usa-ko," he said softly, turning   
from her, walking away from her and into the rain. "I   
wish it didn't have to be this way."   
  
In the distance, lightening struck and thunder   
rumbled loudly.  
  
**  
  
  
  
E-mail!! E-mail!!   
  
Leluh40@aol.com  
Leluh40@aol.com  
Leluh40@aol.com 


	2. Bittersweet Chapter 2

11/15/00  
  
"Bittersweet"  
By: Lelu  
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com  
PG  
2/3  
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind   
ourselves that SM belongs to Naoko?]  
  
  
*Part Two*  
  
  
'Kuso!' He slammed his fist into the wall, not feeling   
the pain shoot up his arm. He had just turned her   
away, and now it was final. Any hopes of being   
together again would not surface, and he would   
always be alone. Forever. If he couldn't have Usagi,   
then he would have no one else. After the   
confrontation that had taken place but 5 minutes ago,   
he had stormed home, wanting nothing more than to   
take his anger out on some inanimate object. He   
walked over to the doors that would lead him out to   
the balcony, placing his head against the coolness of   
the window.  
  
'Cold,' he thought absently. 'Like how my heart will   
have to be towards her from now on…' Abruptly, he   
straightened. He couldn't be like that to her, could he?   
For the past 3 weeks, he had merely avoided her,   
trying not to lead her on in anyway. But the look in   
her eyes…He had seen determination, and his best   
guess was that she was not going to give up, no   
matter how hard it would be to gain the prize back-   
him. He smiled at the thought, his heart felt warm   
and alive. She loved him, too…she was willing to go   
through so much to be with him- to be in pain   
because she thought that he no longer loved her,   
when he really did. 'Kami,' he thought angrily. 'Why   
does everything have to be so damn complicated?'   
  
He didn't understand why the Fates were against   
them- after all, hadn't they saved the destinies of   
humankind so many times already? All he ever truly   
wanted…he could not have. And because it was he   
who was having the dream…Maybe he was   
cursed…maybe they should have never been together   
in the first place. How could he ever be worthy   
enough for her? But he knew that in her eyes…he   
was, and that was all that mattered. These self-doubts   
could be erased by one smile from her- his problems   
could vanish by a simple kiss. And now…?   
'Now…every burden will return, the pain one-  
hundred fold.' And with that, he opened the door to   
the balcony and stepped outside, letting the rain   
caress his skin, soak through his clothing- to allow   
the rain to take him in and to cleanse him for the   
troubled times ahead.  
  
She sobbed into her pillow, tears sliding down her   
cheeks and onto the covers of the bed. 'Doushite?'   
she wanted to scream aloud. 'Why would he choose a   
dream…over me?' Now in the weeks before, she   
could have understood why he wouldn't have wanted   
her- Ditz, crybaby, klutz, whiner... These were the   
reasons she held onto- never would she have gone far   
enough to imagine that he would have left her for a   
dream. Another woman, maybe she could understand   
that. Someone who would be sophisticated enough   
for Mamoru, who would be able to hold an intelligent   
conversation with him without wanting to leave. But   
to be dumped…for a dream? That was unthinkable-   
unbearable. A dream was not real- an event that   
occurred when one was asleep. And it was   
humiliating to even think that he would chose an   
image- a phantom dream- over her, someone who   
was real and breathing.   
  
'Who cares about the future?' she thought angrily,   
sitting up and clutching the pillow to her chest. 'We   
should live for today- not for the past or for the   
future. The choices we make should be only based   
upon what we feel and what we know…' But she had   
given him that choice, hadn't she? She had blatantly   
told him to choose- to choose what he wanted to   
believe in. And she had lost…she had lost to an   
intangible…thing. He was stubborn enough to   
believe the dream. The dream, she had admitted to   
herself before, was frightening- in fact, she had   
woken up sobbing, and Luna had been frantically   
worried, asking her what was wrong.   
  
"Nothing," she had replied, feigning a yawn. "Go   
back to sleep, neko-chan…Morning will come soon,   
and with it a new day." She lay back down,   
stretching, before closing her eyes once more.   
'Goodnight, Mamo-chan,' she thought. 'Aishiteru.'  
  
And now, she had nothing to live for- nothing but the   
hopes that he would come to his senses and realize   
that she still loved him, and that at least *she* would   
not be taken in by some dream. She refused to   
believe in it- after all, even if this was naïve, how   
could any harm come to them when they were with   
each other? She was determined to win him back…to   
make him see what she already knew; she would not   
give up- she would *not* give up on her lover, the   
man who held her heart in his hands. She knew he   
would resist her tries, but she was prepared for that.   
She *knew* she could win him over- after all, he did   
still love her…right?  
  
** 1 Week Later**  
  
Mamoru walked home wearily, keeping a lookout for   
any blonde-haired odango-ed girls. He had to be very   
cautious now- he couldn't risk running into her. He   
didn't know how long he could hold out- but he did   
know that he would try his best to. The thought of   
having Usagi in his arms again- to have her place   
kisses on his lips- was very tempting…but anytime   
he would be caught up reminiscing, that damned   
voice would reappear in his mind, warning him what   
he had said for the past month. And then, Mamoru's   
resolve would become stronger, fortified because of   
that one image of Usagi's death. Sighing, he looked   
up into the sky, wishing- for what must have been the   
millionth time- that Usagi could really be an   
angel…Such a beauty didn't deserve such pain…And   
then he went crashing to the ground, a heavy weight   
on his stomach. Closing his eyes, he braced himself   
for what would come.  
  
"G..gomen nas…nasai, Mamo-chan," Usagi stuttered,   
cursing herself for her own stupidity. Hadn't it been   
just this morning that she had promised herself that   
she was going to be more careful? That she was   
going to be more sophisticated, more studious,   
more…She bit her lip from keeping the tears from   
falling again. She wanted to be more…like…anyone   
who Mamoru liked.   
  
His eyes narrowed up at her, the silver-blue tints in   
his eyes turning sapphire. "Usagi," he said, a bit more   
sharply than he had intended to, cringing as he saw   
her withdraw, "Such incidents like this can be   
avoided; in the future, I hope that you can be a little   
more observant."  
  
Her temper flared- how dare he blame this on her.   
"Mamo-chan!" she exclaimed angrily, not caring   
what position they were still in- he laying on the   
ground, and she, pushing on her arms to keep herself   
up. "Don't you dare say this is my fault," she said.   
"It's your fault as much as it is mine."  
  
She was right, he thought, all the while glowering at   
her. She was always right. But he wouldn't let his   
guard down- he wouldn't fail this test. "Usagi."   
Biting words spilled from his mouth. "Get the hell off   
me." He realized that what he said had been a   
mistake by her sharp gasp- the tears rushing to her   
eyes, threatening to spill over.   
  
"I…Mamo…" She was shocked, horrified, and any   
other word that could express how she was feeling.   
How could he have been so loving towards her   
before, but so cold now? He had admitted before that   
he still loved her…she could still feel his hand   
pressed so lovingly to her face. Absently, she reached   
up to touch the place where his hand had been, so   
long ago.   
  
He watched, shocked. How could she still be so soft-   
so kind- after he had been so harsh? But then again,   
he reasoned, wasn't that exactly how he had been?   
He had loved her one-day, and the next, had claimed   
that he hadn't- but now, she knew. She *knew* he   
still loved her…he had told her a week ago, in a fit of   
passionate longing. He couldn't deny his   
feelings…but he could pretend that they no longer   
existed. "Usagi," he said, his voice harsh, "if you're   
still harboring hopes that I love you- like I had said-   
you…you're wrong! I don't! Now get off of me."  
  
Eyes widening, she gasped, hands rushing to clamp   
over her mouth. 'He…he had lied to her?' She looked   
at him, digging into the depths of his eyes to see if   
she could detect any deceit…and she didn't. He was   
telling the truth…He didn't love her anymore.   
Crystal blue eyes faded away to dull blue, the shade   
frightening pale- Mamoru saw, but refused to do   
anything- but he wanted to. He wanted to help her   
up- to crush her in his embrace, to kiss away her   
tears, and to tell her everything would be all   
right…But he couldn't. He wouldn't.  
  
Slowly, she stood, her hair brushing against his   
hands accidentally- and he nearly wanted to cry from   
the softness of it- how he had missed running his   
hand through the abundant wealth of it…how he had   
missed her sweet lips, her beautiful voice, and…her.   
He watched as she hesitantly reached out her hand to   
help him up…and watched as the tears- still in her   
eyes- ran down her cheeks when he refused, pushing   
himself up. "I must go," he said, ignoring how the   
last lights of sun played in her hair, around her   
body…in her tears. "Sayonara."  
  
'Sayonara,' she echoed in her mind, watching him   
walk away from her yet again. 'He…This is   
goodbye…' And her legs nearly collapsed from   
under her. 'This is final…' She didn't want to give up   
on him- she *knew* that she could change his   
mind…but…she wouldn't. If this was what he truly   
wanted- if he wanted another girl- then she would let   
him go…  
  
"Sayonara, Mamoru-san," she whispered…and   
walked away.  
  
He walked home, tears flowing freely. He didn't even   
bother to wipe them away- let the world know his   
sorrow, he thought. He could barely walk into his   
apartment. Looking at the clock, it was 9:30pm. He   
had, he supposed, just walked around the city, trying   
to clear his mind…He looked at the bed- soft,   
inviting. But he knew it wasn't real- he knew what   
would happen as soon as he laid down to sleep…But   
he did it anyway…and dreamed.  
  
It was 1AM, and still he slept. A cool breeze from the   
open window by his bed flitted across his face,   
making him pull up the covers unconsciously. He   
was Dreaming again… His forehead creased and   
beads of sweat formed on the crown of his head, the   
intensity of his dream showing. He had already seen   
the wedding scene- seen Usagi being swept from his   
arms, just as she had been every night, and   
dying…all because of him. And then the voice came   
again.  
  
Chiba Mamoru…." The ominous voice said. "This is   
your destiny…If you do not stay away from Tsukino   
Usagi, your Princess, this is her fate and yours. Stay   
away from her if you care for her. If you love her,   
you will protect her by keeping your distance. Heed   
these words…and never forget."  
  
"Iie!" He shouted. "Who are you? Why are you doing   
this to us?" He fell to his knees, cradling his head in   
his hands, tears filling his eyes. He wiped away the   
tears, unwilling to show such sadness. "Who *are*   
you?!" he screamed once again. "Tell me!" And he   
collapsed onto the ground, crying out everything that   
had been pent up for so long. He loved her so   
much…he loved her to the brink of death, which he   
had crossed already. And suddenly, he felt eyes upon   
him- warm, sympathetic eyes. Looking up slowly, he   
met magenta-colored eyes, staring down at him in   
pity.  
  
She was wearing a fuku and holding a key that had an   
orb in it. Her long green-black hair was pulled half   
back, neatly twisting into a bun. She was tan- very   
tan. Mamoru jumped up immediately, taking a   
fighter's stance, ignoring the fact that she was   
wearing the outfit of a senshi.  
  
"Who are you?" he demanded, eyes like crystal   
shards. "What do you want?"   
  
She arched her eyebrows in slight amusement,   
bowing low at the waist. "Hello, Mamoru," she   
replied, in a deep voice. "Or should I say Tuxedo   
Kamen…or maybe Endymion?"  
  
She was taunting him- he knew it. But how the hell   
did she know who he was? Who he had been? He   
didn't like her, this stranger. He didn't like how her   
eyes bore into him so knowingly- like she held all the   
secrets of the universe…and then it clicked. *She*   
must have been the one who was sending him these   
dreams. It was *she* who was causing him all this   
trouble. "Kuso…" he growled, lashing out at her, his   
fists flying. "It is you! You are the one…" he stopped   
talking, focusing all his energy into the one single   
task of hitting her. But she was good- she was   
graceful and alert. She easily sidestepped and dodged   
his punches, which were not well aimed because of   
his anger. And suddenly, his energy- so intense was   
it- caused his body to begin to glow a golden   
color…and he stopped his attacks, closing his eyes,   
focusing all his anger- all of his emotions- onto this   
one elusive woman. A bright golden beam shot out   
from his body, nearly hitting the mysterious woman-   
but she managed to reflect the onslaught by merely   
holding out her staff.  
  
"Iie, Prince," she said, her voice strained. "Matte."  
  
Sailor Pluto was not happy; she knew that the past   
self of the king was very hotheaded, but she…she   
didn't care. Ever since the Neo-King had sent the   
Dream to Mamoru, she had been so angry at him. She   
didn't understand why he had wanted to do that- they   
all knew that their love was strong. But, she had   
supposed, she could partially understand why he   
would have wanted to do it- for his own selfish   
reasons. And because he wanted to satisfy his own   
knowledge, he was going to make his past self suffer.   
'What a selfish son-of-a- ACK!' Pluto had to duck   
yet another punch that the enraged Mamoru had   
thrown. Growling low in her throat, she commanded,   
"Stop."   
  
And he did.  
  
He stopped because he was so tired…he was so sick   
of everything that was happening in his life- not to   
mention that because of the fact that he couldn't hit   
this woman was very frustrating. He knelt over,   
placing his hands on his knees for support, breathing   
heavily. Raising sorrowful blue eyes to meet her   
own, he whispered one word.  
  
"Doushite?"  
  
Just *one* word, but it shook her to the core. Perhaps   
it wasn't the word, but the reasons for the word- the   
shocking penetration of his weary blue eyes, digging   
for an answer. Softly- so soft, she didn't even   
recognize her own voice- she said, "Prince, it is not I   
who sends you these dreams."  
  
He straightened sharply, eyes narrowed again. "Who   
are you," he whispered, his heart bleeding, "to know   
of these things? Why," he continued, his voice   
growing louder in his anger, "do you have the   
privilege of knowing who it is that sends me these   
god-forsaken Dreams, when *I*, myself, don't even   
know why?!" The air vibrated with his speech, with   
his agony. "Why the hell is this person doing this to   
me?" he shouted, fists clenched, eyes shut tight.   
"Why do they want to do this to me?"  
  
"Prince…" she whispered, one hand coming to cover   
her mouth, her fear of sobbing at the anguish his soul   
was radiating. She could see what this dream was   
doing to him- not only externally, but internally. His   
soul was dry, worn, tortured She knew he didn't want   
to live anymore- not if he couldn't have Usagi-  
hime…She knew about his past, she knew about his   
present, and she knew what his future was- what it   
could become. His place was by Usagi's side, but if   
he didn't realize soon that this dream was a test…the   
happy future would cease to exist.   
  
Pluto had entered Mamoru's dream with one wave of   
her Time Staff. The King, of course, did not know   
about this rendezvous- in fact, she was scared to see   
him when he did find out. But she couldn't stand to   
see Mamoru go through this- it was hard for her.   
Pluto had seen them go through so much together   
.The fall of the Moon Kingdom, the re-birth, the   
fateful meeting with the test paper…the mock fights,   
Usagi's pain when she had lost Mamoru to the Dark   
Kingdom, never thinking that they could be together.   
Pluto had been there- she had watched, helpless. And   
it hurt her, too. To see these two people that she   
loved so much- she respected so much- be hurt, over   
and over again. And just when they thought that they   
could finally be together again…It was not be, just   
because of the King's stupid and selfish desire.   
  
She placed two fingers to her temple and began to   
rub, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. 'I must do   
this,' she thought. 'The King will curse himself if   
Mamoru never knows the truth…if he does go on like   
this…he will die.' "Mamoru," she said, raising now   
dry eyes to him. "Allow me to introduce myself." She   
bowed again, dark strands of hair falling over her   
shoulder. "I am Sailor Pluto, the guardian of Time. I   
see the past, present, and the many roads of the   
future." Magenta eyes bore into his own. "I know   
all," she said, arching an eyebrow as a challenge.  
  
He stood there, shocked. There were more senshi- but   
of course there were. There had to be one for each   
planet…but still, it was still odd to see another   
senshi- and this one was noticeably older than the   
five back on Earth- wait…He was sleeping- how had   
she entered his dream? There was no more time to   
reflect on this- he had to know who had sent these   
dreams to him- who had wanted to see him suffer so   
much. He swallowed, and asked, his voice hoarse,   
"Who?"  
  
She understood what he meant, and answered as   
simple as she could. "You, Mamoru." At his shocked   
look, she hastened to correct herself. "Your future   
self, Mamoru…The Neo-King…The one who will   
rule at the side of Neo-Queen Serenity."   
  
'The one who will rule at the side of Neo-Queen   
Serenity…' These words played in his mind, and he   
felt something- Hope. Hope was unfolding in his   
heart, a new shine to wear away the darkness. "I…"   
he tried to speak, but couldn't. Everything was going   
to be all right. He would be with Usagi in the future,   
which meant that everything would work out fine.   
But still, there was one more thing he had to   
know…"Why?"  
  
Pluto braced herself at the outrage she knew would   
come. "He wanted to see some things for himself.   
The King…he wanted to know if you could   
overcome this…" she searched for the word, "test. A   
test of true love."  
  
His eyes widened, fists clenched, a sharp intake of   
breath. "He WHAT?!" he roared. "He wanted…to   
see if we could pass a test?! A meaningless *test*?!   
Well why don't you convey this message to him,"   
Mamoru growled out, ready to pounce on any hapless   
object, but restraining himself. "Tell him that if *he*   
truly loved Usagi- his wife- then he would have   
*never* put us through this test. He should know   
how much we love each other- how much I love her   
and how much *she*…she loves me." His voice had   
faltered at the end, and Pluto immediately grabbed at   
the insecurity in his voice.  
  
"You're unsure, aren't you?" she said, serious.   
"You're not sure if Usagi loves you- if she ever did   
love you, isn't that right?" She didn't let him answer,   
knowing that she was right. "And you see? You have   
doubts about her love for you- you, too, wonder if…"  
  
"Please…don't say it…" He had heard as much as he   
could- these accusations about himself. He didn't   
need to hear this from a person he didn't' even know-   
a stranger. What gave her the right to know these   
things? His insecurities- 'doubts' as she had called   
them.   
  
"And so you see now, Mamoru?" Her voice was soft,   
not wanting to hurt him anymore. "Your future   
self…is you. And no matter how much time will   
pass, you will still doubt her love for you. You think   
you will never understand why she loves you- you   
don't want to know if her affections- her feelings- are   
real." Her body began to shake with hidden tears.   
"But you know what, Mamoru? *Mamo-chan*?" she   
said, her voice sarcastic. "She does love you- and at   
least you have someone who can and will love you."   
She turned around, hiding the tears that were sliding   
down her face. "You will never be lonely if you don't   
doubt her. You will always have someone…unlike   
me." The last part was whispered. "Now go,   
Prince…Right your wrong, and know that this dream   
of yours…is not real. She will not die…as long as   
you are by her side."   
  
"Wait, Pluto!"  
  
But she waved her staff, ignoring his pleas for her to   
stop. She needed to be alone…Like she always was.   
Raising dark magenta eyes, she surveyed the area in   
front of her. Cold gray mist…swirling around and   
around and around…It was quiet- always quiet…but   
now, the tranquility was disturbed by the always-  
harsh sound of crying…Pluto's cries echoed off the   
non-existent walls and disappeared into the grayness.  
  
Mamoru woke up, beads of sweat around his   
forehead. He knew now- he knew the truth, and   
now…now, he could return to her, be happy again,   
and love her again. Smiling gently, he lay back down   
onto the bed, and slept…without any dreams to haunt   
him.  
  
**The Next Morning**  
  
He ran the streets of Tokyo, searching for her. The   
sun was shining brightly, a blue sky filled with   
cotton-candied clouds. Birds sang cheerfully, and the   
flowers were blooming, softening the 'hard' smell of   
Tokyo. He paid no heed to this however- he just   
wanted to find Usagi, his love. He still couldn't   
believe that he had been so ignorant- so dumb. Now,   
when he looked back, he wanted to kill himself for   
the stupid reasons that he had made up for breaking   
up with her. Ever since Pluto had come to him, he   
had known that he had to find her.   
  
'THERE!'   
  
There she was, sitting on a bench, waiting for the bus.   
He stopped running, watching as she pressed her   
finger to her lips, trying to understand the book she   
was reading. He nearly fell down with that one act-   
how perfect that act was…She knew how to make   
him feel so topsy-turvy without even trying. And then   
he realized that he had to talk to her- he had to be   
with her again…he couldn't wait any longer.   
  
"Usa-ko!"   
  
She turned her head sharply, hearing her name being   
called out by him, and stood up. She waited for him,   
watching him run up to her. God, he looked beautiful,   
she thought, her heart wrenching- her mouth   
becoming dry. She didn't want to do what she knew   
she had to…She knew why he had called her name-   
why he had decided to finally choose her. She had   
witnessed last night's dream; Pluto had appeared in   
Mamoru's precious dream to warn him against what   
would happen- how this whole 'dream' was merely a   
test, given by Neo-King Endymion.   
  
"Usa-ko."   
  
He was here now, watching her, blue eyes staring   
with such intensity that it made her want to blush.   
She dropped the book, the pages fluttering in the   
wind. Turning her head away, she softly replied,   
"What do you want, Mamoru?"  
  
"Usa-ko, I realized something last night…" He   
stepped closer to her, his voice earnest, his heart   
beating rapidly. "This new senshi…she appeared in   
my Dream…she told me that-"  
  
"That it was a test, right? The dream was   
nothing…made-up?" she whispered, head bowed.   
"And let me guess…you want me back now, right?   
Now that you know that your dream isn't real, you've   
come back to me, thinking that I will just gladly   
accept you? And forget the pain you had caused?"   
She had lifted her head, eyes blazing…soften by the   
tears. But she refused to let them fall, refused to let   
him see them.  
  
"I…" In all truth, he had thought that. He had thought   
that she would return to him. "Demo, Usa-ko-"  
  
"Don't!" she said sharply. "Don't you *dare* call me   
that- you will *never* call me that again, do you   
understand? You had your chance, Mamoru, when I   
asked you what you wanted. But you blew it…You   
told me you would chose *it* over me. You chose   
your dream over your girlfriend- or should I say," she   
said, sarcasm flying, "your ex-girlfriend?" Laughing   
bitterly, she shook her head. "Oh, Mamoru…how   
foolish you can be sometimes."  
  
He was helpless- he could not do anything but to   
listen to her…These words- they stung so much, but   
he knew they were true. He loved her, though. And   
he would be willing to do anything to get her back…  
  
She had read his thoughts. "I say this again, Mamoru.   
Never again…The past is forgotten, the future is   
ahead of us." She watched his tears fall, and clenched   
her fists. She didn't want to see him cry- she did love   
him, but if this was how it was to be…If he would,   
during any adversity, chose the other over her…she   
would not tolerate it. "Good bye, Mamo-chan," she   
said, taking a step closer, trying to avoid his soul-  
searching gaze. Wrapping her arms around his neck,   
she pulled his head down, sealing their lips in a kiss.   
The passion was short-lived, though, for she pulled   
back nearly the moment she had joined their lips   
together. She uncrossed her arms and brought them   
down to her side, turning away. Echoing his words,   
she said slowly, her voice taut with tears, "I wish it   
didn't have to be this way." And she began to walk   
away, never once looking back. There was a new   
future to look forward to, and whether or not she   
wanted it to be that way, she would have to learn to   
live…without him.  
  
The sun shone brightly overhead, bathing Tokyo with   
its love and warmth, oblivious of the tears and the   
pain of the two young lovers. Day continued to wait   
for Night, which would cleanse the earth of all the   
hurt that Day had caused; Night would signal a new   
beginning- or, perhaps, an end.  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
E-mail!! E-mail!!   
[coughs] I mean, 'E-mail, please?'   
  
leluh40@yahoo.com 


	3. Bittersweet Chapter 3

1/2/01  
  
"Bittersweet"  
By: Lelu  
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com  
PG  
3/3  
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind ourselves   
that SM belongs to Naoko?]  
  
  
*Part Three*  
  
  
'Never again…'  
  
'Never again…'  
  
'Never again…'  
  
These words played and replayed in Mamoru's mind,   
until he nearly screamed aloud in frustration. Sitting alone   
on his couch, he crossed his arms over his knees and   
buried his head there. He couldn't believe what a fool he   
had been. Usa-ko had been right the whole time…She   
was always right, he noted wryly. 'Why couldn't I have   
seen that sooner? Why…?'  
  
But he knew why—he knew why he couldn't have seen   
through this dream that the King had sent him—because   
of his love for her. Love was blind, he knew that now. His   
undying, still-blooming, flaming love for her had blinded   
him…blinded him to the point where he hadn't even   
thought of her. "How ironic," he mumbled aloud, now   
staring up at the ceiling, trying to block back tears. "I   
didn't even…think…" A sob escaped him before he could   
stop it, and he began to cry…Crying tears of sorrow, of   
anguish, of tortured pain. He didn't know why he had   
become so soft lately—such a crier. But he did know   
why.   
  
It was because of Usagi.  
  
Usagi had changed him so much…brought him out of the   
shell of a life he used to occupy. With her brightness, her   
warmth, her love for life, she had held him by the hand   
and introduced him to a world he had forgotten- a world   
filled with goodness and peace. Despite the fact that they   
were super-heroes with so many challenges facing them,   
and many challenges past, he couldn't help wondering…  
  
'Why couldn't we have overcome this?' He stood up,   
long legs swaying underneath him, and walked to his   
bedroom…'Cold dark place,' he thought, as he fell into   
bed, not bothering to pull up the covers. He didn't want to   
be warm right now…He wanted to fall asleep cold, to   
remind himself of the hell he was going to put himself   
through everyday…He wanted to be a coward, to bury his   
head under his pillow, and to never see the light of day   
again. Tears still fell as he fell asleep, clutching the   
handkerchief-- *her* handkerchief—to his face, inhaling   
the still sweet scent of her perfume. And his last thought   
before falling asleep…  
  
'Usa-ko…I miss you…I love you…I'm sorry for   
being…for being so blind.'  
  
She took a deep breath…and let it out.   
'Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…' were the thoughts   
running through her mind. 'Don't stop breathing…' As   
ridiculous as it sounded, it was true. Usagi really believed   
that if she didn't remind herself to breathe, she just might   
not.   
  
Her heart hurt so badly…turning away Mamoru had been   
the hardest thing that she had ever done in her life. But it   
had to be done. It had to be done for her sake…for   
his…for theirs. They couldn't keep this faltering   
relationship alive…not with so many doubts and   
impossibilities hindering in every word they had spoken   
to each other.  
  
He was sorry, she knew that. He was sorry with all of his   
heart…but that still wasn't enough for her. She didn't   
want him to be *just* sorry. She wanted him to know that   
he should have learned to trust her- he should have   
learned that they could have made it through it…  
  
'We could have made it through everything…if we were   
together.'   
  
Her lips trembled at the thought, and tears formed in the   
corners of her eyes, blurring the stars and the moon into a   
collage of night. She collapsed onto her bed, staring at her   
ceiling, feeling the tears trickled down her cheeks and   
onto the pillow. Clutching the pocketwatch-- *his*   
pocketwatch—in her hand in a tight grasp, she thought,   
before falling asleep…  
  
'Mamo-chan…I miss you…I love you…I'm sorry…that   
it has to be this way.'  
  
** One Week Later**  
  
He woke that morning, calm. The calm after the storm, he   
finally supposed. Maybe now, a week after that horrible   
event had happened, he had come to terms with the fact   
that Usagi didn't want to be with him. This whole past   
week had been filled with mishaps and bad timing. It was   
as if no matter where he was or what time of day it was,   
he would see her. He would see her sitting calmly at the   
park, reading a book. He would see her in the Crown,   
sitting quietly in her booth, talking to Motoki while   
calmly sipping a shake. He would see her walking by him   
on the streets…  
  
Pretending not to know him.   
  
He wanted to cry from the agony that had caused. For a   
brief second, hope had lit him, like a flame to a match. He   
had seen her walking from quite a distance, hair dancing   
in the breeze, white sleeveless blouse slightly unbuttoned,   
blue mini-skirt rising past decent length…In short, she   
had taken his breath away by her beauty…by her grace…  
  
By his overwhelming love for her.  
  
He had watched her walk closer and closer, his heart   
pounding faster with every step she took…He forced   
himself to speak to her as she walked by.   
  
"Kon'wa, Usa-k…Usagi-chan."  
  
He had seen her stiffen, had seen her fingers slightly flex   
at the sound of his voice. He had seen the blankness come   
over her eyes…But it didn't matter…because she hadn't   
even looked at him. Instead, she had walked by, eyes   
focused on some object in the distance.  
  
He could have honestly said that he had felt his blood   
chill to ice.  
  
'She ignored me…she walked by me like I didn't   
matter…My god, what have I done?' He continued to   
stand there, ignoring the glances of people who walked   
by. He could care less…all he could feel was the pain in   
his heart…spreading to every part of his body. 'What   
have I done?'  
  
He shook his head. 'I can't dwell on the past…it's my   
own fault…' Gingerly, he touched the tips of his fingers   
to his eyes, wiping away the wetness. 'It's my own   
goddamn fault…'  
  
He sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, bed, staring   
through the glass windows on his balcony, watching the   
sun rise over Tokyo. Standing, he walked through thick   
carpeting and threw open the doors, stepping onto the   
balcony. He didn't know how long he stood there…long   
enough to watch the sun climb into midday…until the   
early quiet had become the loud midday clamber.  
  
He stretched his arms over his head…and stopped as he   
saw a familiar figure pass by.   
  
'Usa-ko…'  
  
She seemed no different to him…her appearance was still   
the same…she shone brightly enough to even surpass the   
brilliance of the sun. He watched her smile brightly back   
at a few people—young men, he noted wryly—who had   
smiled her. Just seeing her made the sharp slice of   
loneliness come back alive to him. How could he have   
ever thought that he would be able to just live his life,   
watching her from a distance? He would never to be able   
to do that...not as long as he breathed for her. He wanted   
her back so badly he could feel his air twist out of his   
lungs. Greedily, his eyes lapped up her appearance,   
knowing that from this far a distance, she couldn't feel his   
eyes on her…  
  
And then he froze as he watched her tilt her head up to   
meet his eyes…as if she had known that he would be   
watching her. Even from the distance, he could see the   
regret in her eyes…  
  
'Mamoru…I'm so sorry…' she thought, looking wistfully   
up at him. He looked so handsome with his sleep-ruffled   
hair, shirtless, standing so high in the air…unattainable to   
her. 'Birds fly freely in the sky…that high in the sky…so   
perhaps…' she turned her head away…and began to   
walk, forcing one foot to move after the other. 'Gomen   
nasai…'  
  
He reached out towards her as she began to leave.   
"Usagi…" he whispered, the words carried by the wind to   
her. "Don't leave me…"  
  
She spun around- had she imagined what she had just   
heard? She tilted her head up to that balcony again…but it   
was empty, the glass door shutting. "Mamoru…I…" she   
clenched her fists, squeezing her eyes shut.   
  
'Tears…please stop…stop…'  
  
**  
  
He stared into the dark abyss of night, wishing that he   
could be swallowed by such deep velvet colors. In some   
corner of his mind, his conscience ate away at him. When   
as the last time he had slept without worry? The last time   
he had seen her? The last time he hadn't thought of her?  
  
"Usa-ko…"  
  
**  
  
She stared up at the moon, the blinding beauty of white.   
She missed him. She missed him so much. She missed the   
way he had held her…the way he had kissed her…the   
way he had comforted her…the way he had loved her.   
  
"Mamoru…do you think of me?"  
  
**  
  
A dark thunderstorm had taken over Tokyo the next day,   
and the few people left in the streets during the midday   
were rushing to find cover in any place they possibly   
could. Two figures, however, stood alone in the park   
underneath the shelter of a tree.  
  
"Mamoru," Usagi said stiffly, looking around   
uncomfortably.  
  
"Usagi," he replied. "I'm glad you could make it."  
  
She shot him a look. "Under the circumstances, you   
should be glad I decided to reply to your message."  
  
Softly, he replied, "And I'm very thankful that you did."  
  
'Oh no.' Warning bells went off in her head. 'He's going   
to be …' She looked up into his face, her heart already   
warming to the familiar blue eyes. '…he's going to be   
absolutely wonderful.'  
  
"Usagi…"  
  
Her breath drew in sharply into her lungs… and she saw   
when he reached out his arms for her, but pulled them   
back to his side … afraid to startle her, to cause her to run   
away.   
  
Mamoru licked his lips, brushing back wayward black   
hair with a shaking hand. In a low voice full of regret, he   
began to speak. "Usagi, I'm so sorry…I don't know how I   
can make you understand how sorry I am…All I can do is   
apologize to you and make you understand that I love   
you, that I'll always love you."  
  
"Mamoru," she said hoarsely, eyes looking desperately   
into his, "Mamoru…I don't know if I can do this…if you   
should ever repeat the same mistake…I don't think I   
would be able to take it." She stared into his eyes, the blue   
abyss gone, two spheres of black and pain. She   
unclenched her hands from his shirt and turned her head   
away, lifting her face to the rain. "Mamoru…I love you so   
much…but I wonder if you can ever love me with the   
same intensity…"   
  
His eyes refocused and suddenly, his arms reached out   
through their own will and pulled her to him, pressing her   
face to his hard chest. With one arm wrapped around her   
waist to keep her still, the other hand repeatedly ran down   
the back of her head, caressing her hair. "Usa-ko…" He   
forced her chin up, horrified when he saw the endless   
amount of tears streaming down her face. "Usa-  
ko…onegai…don't cry for me…it hurts when you cry for   
me over and over again…" His one arm tightened around   
her waist, drawing her even closer to him, their bodies   
melded as one. "Onegai…don't cry…" His eyes pleaded   
into hers, whispered the same message over and over   
again.  
  
"Demo…Mamoru…" her throat closed up and she lost   
her courage, hiding her face in his chest again.   
"Mamoru…it's a relief for me to cry…the pain escapes   
through the tears…I couldn't bear to have all this pain in   
me…" She swallowed and looked up at him, looked at his   
hair that was soaked by the rain. "I need a refuge,   
Mamoru…You were once that refuge…But I wonder…"   
Hand trembling, she pushed away a raven lock that had   
been plastered to his forehead, and summoned all her   
courage to speak. "…I wonder if you could be my refuge   
again…if you could be my strength." Her eyes pleaded to   
his now, waiting to be denied or to be accepted. "Could   
you, Mamoru? Could you?"  
  
His answer came without hesitation. "Usagi…if you gave   
me the chance…" His hand curved around her cheek, eyes   
filled with intent. "…I could be anything you want me to   
be." He bent his head, kissing her gently, but only once.   
"Together…we could be anything…"  
  
She bit her lip, taking many gulps of air. Blue eyes were   
filled with uncertainty, and Mamoru wanted nothing more   
than to kiss her fears away. But he wouldn't; she didn't   
need to be kissed. What she needed was   
someone…someone to…  
  
"Hold me, Mamo-chan?" she asked, smiling gently up at   
him. "I think I need to be held a little more…" She   
blushed and looked away. "I know this request sounds   
rather childish, demo…"  
  
"Usa-ko." The firmness of his voice made her frown in   
confusion and sadness. Perhaps he really hadn't meant   
everything he had said…  
  
"Usa-ko…you aren't childish at all…and…" he brushed   
her wet bangs back. "…and…I was going to ask you the   
same thing." He smiled beautifully at her…and all was   
forgotten but the feeling of their arms being wrapped   
around each other. "Hold me, Usa-ko?"  
  
She blinked rapidly, afraid that the tears would spill from   
her eyes from her rapture. "If you'll hold me, Mamo-  
chan…"  
  
"I'll hold you forever…" He looked meaningfully at her.   
"And I promise…I promise that I'll never be so stupid   
again…so stupid to not believe you…" He kissed her   
again, smiling a little at the dazed look in her eyes. "I'll   
trust you always…"  
  
She smiled at him, reaching up and kissing him on his   
nose. "I…I love you, Mamo-chan…" She spoke the   
words hesitantly, still afraid. Her breath was stolen away   
by the brightness of his smile, the joy she saw in his eyes.  
  
"Usa-ko…" His eyes welled up with tears, but he wasn't   
ashamed. He could be himself with her…and he would   
never feel ashamed. "At one time, I thought I would never   
hear those words from your lips again…" He ran a finger   
across her mouth, brushing it back and forth. "But now…I   
feel like my heart is going to never stop beating so   
fast…like it will never calm down…"  
  
The rain began to lighten…In sprinkles it came down…  
Like the calm after the storm…  
  
"I wonder how I could have been such a fool, Usa-ko…to   
think that I could have made it through this life without   
you by my side. I didn't think this life would be worth   
living…if I didn't have you…Demo…hope kept me   
going...the hope that we could be together kept me   
alive…" His finger trailed from her lips down to her hand,   
entwining their finger. Slowly, he brought their joined   
hands up and kissed the back of her hand, eyes still   
holding hers. "I love you too, Usagi…always."  
  
"Mamo-chan…"  
  
And as they embraced again, the rainbow that had fought   
its way to been seen through the heavy clouds, stretched   
over the city of Tokyo, the shower now over.   
  
The rainbow symbolizes peace…joy…love…eternity…  
  
It is the symbol of hope.  
  
And somewhere in the hazy distance of the two lovers   
mind, they looked at each other and smiled…and gave   
their hopes to the rainbow…hoping for a happy   
future…hoping for forever.  
  
**  
  
  
[nods] It's the end... Maybe if you e-mail me, I'll work  
on some more stories? Or at least post the ones that I   
have yet to post? :)  
  
E-mail!! Pretty pretty please?   
Leluh40@yahoo.com 


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